Sick in Bed...

Being sick in bed is not fun. It is especially not fun in Africa. I have been confined to my dungeon of a mosquito for two days now. It has given me much time to reflect on why I chose to come in the first place.

Between my high fevers and painful movements (I have a nasty skin sore that is eating at my flesh...and yes, it is incredibly painful) last night I remembered this one experience I had when living in Romania a little more than two years ago. To those of you who did not know. I had the amazing opportunity to work with Romanian children in an orphanage and hospital. However, I wasn't allowed to post pictures because the Romanian government wants to protect them. Those of you who knew I went to Romania probably thought I was just on vacation...but I can assure you I was working every day. I have to mention first, that at the time I had absolutely no interest in having children. I wanted to fall in love with the world over and over again by traveling. It made me physically ill to even think about having children of my own. The only way I would ever have children is if I adopted, I was %100 sure of that.

So back to last night. As I was in bed I thought back to this one child in particular. I will tell you how we met first...

I met Peter on the second floor in a hospital in Romania. I remember the first time I saw my little angel. He was lying in his crib wrapped up in blankets even though it was so hot in there. So there he was, staring up at me with the most gorgeous deep blue eyes I have ever seen. The most perfect little child. It was love at first sight. Peter had been abandoned at birth and had cleft pallet on both sides of his nose.

He was four months old when I met him and he was staying in a room with some really nice Gypsies.

I saw Peter every single day after that for two and a half months. About a month after I met little Peter I walked into his room and looked over his crib. The second he saw me his whole face just lit up and he gave me the biggest smile. I picked him up and put him in the air (because I heard kids love that). Then it happened. One of the most pivotal moments in my life. He laughed. His first laugh. Little did Peter know what a profound impact his laugh had on me. It was so innocent and full of love that I understood. I understood why I was there, what I was doing, and most importantly what I needed to do. 

It was truly the first time in my life that I felt completely vulnerable. How could this little human being alter my thinking with such a small sweet laugh? It was because I could see the pain in his face up until the laugh. I could see his confusion in why he was in such a lonely place. I could see the pain that I had the pleasure of alleviating in those daily visits. For that small moment in time I had the strongest connection I had ever had with anyone (besides my parents) at that time.

Peter has made me want to be the best person I could possibly be. He has made me want to be the best mother I could possibly be (WARNING: THIS IS NOT A STATEMENT OF DECLARED PREGNANCY, I want to be a mother eventually)

This is Peter laughing. I was so excited when I was holding him that I didn't think to ask someone to take a picture.




This is why I am here. Because people like Peter need me and most importantly I need people like Peter.